7 Ways to tame your inner critic and make peace with your mind.
Updated: Mar 21, 2020
“When you get in your head, you are dead” – Tony Robbins
Inner Critic
We do not go around to people and brag about the voices in your head. I am talking about the negative dialogues you lead with yourself on a daily basis. If you think that negative talk is happening only to you, here is my assurance that you are not alone because it happens to everyone, which is completely normal. Your self-talk is a reaction to your circumstances and environment which, in turn, has an impact on your health, both physical and mental. This means that there are moments when you talk to yourself in a positive way and moments when you use unfavourable language which is not your ally.
How we have been programmed
As stated by Leon F Seltzer 9 Ways Your Old Programming May Be Holding You Hostage the negative messages that have been installed in our head mainly from parents, siblings, teachers, or friends might be the source of your problems today, then any kind of fallings or flaws from your side. Some of the examples of negative programs are: seeing your feelings as weaknesses not worthy of expression, considering yourself as undeserving to ask for what you want or need, underestimating your own potential, regarding yourself as a victim or being dependent on others. It is important to realise that these negative messages received from your family did not truly describe who you were. Back then, your parents had more power over you, so what they made you believe in yourself might have reflected their own self-doubts, frustrations, unresolved problems, confusion.
How you respond to events you encounter
According to Beverly Flaxington Self-talk for a calmer you. Learn how to use positive self-talk to control anxiety and live a happier, more relaxed life the crucial part in self-talk is the way you respond to events you encounter than what has happened to you. This means that people who overcome difficulties on the way to their success or deal well with unpleasant situations, use the words that empower them. They interpret the events in a positive way as they see the good in any situation.
Whereas, those who are stuck in their head and do not see the way out of their negative thoughts and feelings, say things that are not helping them to resolve their problems. Your negative self-talk drains your energy, it might defeat your ambitions, and leave you hopeless.
When you listen to your negative self-talk on a daily basis, it becomes familiar territory, your daily habit. Therefore, you do not even realise its presence.
Your brain cannot decide what is true or false
Based on Jeffrey M. Schwartz and Rebecca Gladidn You are not your brain: The 4 step solution for changing bad habits, ending unhealthy thinking, and taking control of your life the more unhealthy messages your brain sends to you, the more you start to believe in it as if it was true. That is because your brain cannot decide whether what you say is good or bad, true or false, constructive or destructive. So if your brain convinces you that you are worthless, you keep on believing that this is who you are, a person who is not worthy of anything. Your brain reinforces these messages mostly when we go through something challenging or difficult. Whenever you believe what your deceptive brain tells you, it leads to the development of negative thoughts, and also uncomfortable physical and emotional sensations. You can see the cycle of the messages the brain sends below.
So here are 7 ways to tame negative thinking and make peace with your mind:
1) Change your language by asking better questions
Based on the book by Marisa Peer Ultimate confidence: the secrets to feeling great about yourself every day the words and tone of voice you use when you talk to yourself influence your emotional state in a significant way by building you up or putting you down. This means that when you ask yourself a question, your unconscious mind will find an answer to this question. For example:
Why does it always go wrong?
Your mind will search for an answer to prove that it is true. Instead, you could frame a question in a positive way:
Why am I fat?
Your mind will answer:
Because you eat too much.
Change it to
How can I become slimmer?
What do I need to do to feel better?
2) Write your negative thoughts on the paper
When you write your negative dialogue on the paper and start challenging your thoughts by asking questions, it will challenge your beliefs.
I am such a stupid idiot.
What do I mean by a stupid idiot?
How do I know that it is true that I am a stupid idiot?
Who said that I am a stupid idiot?
Compare to who I am a stupid idiot?
How specifically am I a stupid idiot?
When specifically am I a stupid idiot?
Where specifically am I a stupid idiot?
How is saying I am a stupid idiot influence me and my decisions?
What is the risk if you stop saying I am a stupid idiot?
If you tackle these beliefs by injecting some doubt into them, they are not that strong anymore. Therefore, you are not sure about this anymore either.
3) Use “The Work” by Byron Katie
“The Work” is a set of inquiries to let go of your negative beliefs. You can work with one belief at a time:
I will never make enough money
1. Is your belief true? Answer: YES or No. If your answer is No go to question 3
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true? Answer: YES or NO
3. How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought?
Check with yourself: how does it feel believing this thought?
How do you treat yourself and others?
What is the payoff to have this belief?
4. Who would you be without this thought?
How would your life be different without these thoughts?
4) Use creative visualisation
Creative visualisation is a process where you can imagine a scenario of your ideal self and how you beat your negative thoughts and emotions.
5) Express your gratitude
Hal Elrod in his book The miracle morning: The not so obvious secret guaranteed to transform your life before 8 am shows how you can develop a morning routine of life-changing practices such as; affirmations, meditations, exercising, journaling, reading and visualisation. The author says that he started to wake up at 5 am to assign 10 minutes to all of the activities. It brought him peace, motivation, inspiration. This daily practice has led him to design a new strategy to save his business and increase income.
6) Be gentle with yourself
When you talk harshly about yourself or put pressure on yourself, one way to stop a judgmental mind is to imagine that you are talking to your good friend in the same way as your mind talks. If you cannot talk in a nasty manner to your friend, what makes you be so hard on yourself? That is why you need to be your best friend and be gentle with yourself.
7) Change your physiology
As per Amy Caddy Presence Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges your body language might shape who you are. Research shows that people who can exhibit power at the moment strike a pose of raising hands, stretch up and open arms in a V shape. Those who are powerless do the opposite they close up, they wrap themselves and make themselves small. However, if you do the power pose for a while to fake it, you might experience the behavioural outcome that makes you seem more powerful. It takes 2 minutes to show how people who are in high power pose experience the increase in testosterone, while the low power people experience a decrease in testosterone. Higher power people demonstrate a decrease in cortisol and low power people exhibit an increase. The increase in testosterone and decrease in cortisol in our brains cause it to be more assertive, confident, and comfortable or stressed reactive.
So there you have it, practice it on a regular basis and you will feel better more often than you thought you could.
If you want to learn more about the negative inner critic and how to find your inner peace, then I would love to hear from you!
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References:
Amy Caddy (2015) Presence Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges. Orion Publishing Group Ltd, 2016. Great Britain.
Beverly D. Flaxington (2013) Self-talk for a calmer you. Learn how to use positive self-talk to control anxiety and live a happier, more relaxed life. Adams Media. The United States of America.
Byron Katie (2020) The Work. Available from: https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/
Hal Elrod (2017) The miracle morning: The not so obvious secret guaranteed to transform your life before 8 am. Hal Elrod International Inc.
Jeffrey M. Schwartz and Rebecca Gladidn (2012) You are not your brain. The 4 step solution for changing bad habits, ending unhealthy thinking and taking control of your life. Penguin Group. USA.
Leon F Seltzer (2015) 9 Ways Your Old Programming May Be Holding You, Hostage. Psychology Today. Available from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/evolution-the-self/201501/9-ways-your-old-programming-may-be-holding-you-hostage
Marisa Peer (2009) Ultimate confidence the secrets to feeling great about yourself every day. Brown Book Group. London.
This information is beneficial. Thanks. x